Serious Issues Are Not Funny
by Feeling Sinister
Summary: A well meaning parody of all of the 'serious issues' fanfics. Now finished. Rated PG13 for adult situations... which are not funny.
1. Drug Deals Are Not Funny

Disclaimers  
  
#1 - I do not own Digimon. Really.  
  
#2 - This is a parody of a normal fanfic; but I actually did put some thought into it. Basically it's the product of a me and a friend's imaginations running away with us. And now I'd like to add that there is NOTHING wrong with deepening the characters, giving them issues to deal with. Both of us think that it makes for a good story. This is a result of a 'what if...?' conversation we had and not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Really.  
  
#3 - These issues are serious. Maybe I haven't had to deal with them, and maybe I don't hope to, but if you're struggling with any of these things, please do not take it as a direct hit to your character or anything like that. I do not think drug addiction, teenage prostitution, self-mutilation, unwanted pregnancies, kleptomania or shoplifting in general, or abuse are actually funny. Really.  
  
Alrighty now, enjoy!  
  
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Kari sighed, flopping down onto her double bed. TK had been acting so... distant lately. And Davis, too. Everyone seemed changed. Or were they the same and she the one who was acting different? Ugh, the very thought of it made her sick and she shut her eyes, her mind drifting towards the shopping bags leaning against her door.   
  
First, there was the bottle of nailpolish; Ripe Tomato Red. She had liked the name... it had sounded so... pathetic. Trying so hard to string adjectives together instead of just saying 'red'? The color was okay, she had worn it a couple times, but eventually it ended up in the bottomless pit that was her desk drawers. Then there had been that purple pen, the tiny notepad, and eventually it became bigger things, like that little green bikini TK said looked so cute on her and that black handbag that went perfect with the boots Tai had gotten her for Christmas.  
  
Today, she had paid for a large, cheap orange sweater she would eventually give to her father. She had also thrown in an adorable pink halter top, some socks with yellow duckies, and a reddish pink lipstick that looked great on her. Five-finger discount of course.  
  
She modeled the top in front of the full-length mirror on the back of her door, turnining slowly around, yet looking herself in the eye. Maybe she was the one acting different.  
  
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The alley was dark, as it would be in those cop movies that seem to come out at least once a month. It was still raining while the girl's grey boots sloshed through the inch-deep puddles as she turned up her collar to the cold. Her innocent-looking brown eyes flicked nervously from the brick walls, to the soaked pavement, up to the endless torrents of rain pouring from the grey sky. The figure ahead, cloaked by not only a heavy brown trenchcoat, but the thick raindrops as well, gave a haughty laugh. It was obviously her first time.  
  
Indeed, it was her first time. She wasn't here for herself. Didn't touch the stuff actually, thought it was terrible. It was him, truthfully, she even tried to get him to stop, several times. But he didn't listen. He never did. Why did she have to go and love him? Somehow, she managed to pull her shoulders in even tighter under the sky blue raincoat that so sharply contrasted with her bleak surroundings. She shouldn't even be here; if he hadn't threatened to leave her, she wouldn't. She had no idea what she would do if he left her...  
  
Matt tried hard not to laugh as the scared-looking girl approached him and asked for 5 grams. As he took the bag, he tried hard to wonder what she would do with it. Probably give it to some junkie brother or boyfriend who would have beaten her otherwise. She handed him the money and he counted the change, thinking he should tell her she got the wrong amount so she would have to stay longer. But it was raining pretty hard now and he almost felt bad for her; he even managed a smile as he handed her the tiny plastic baggie.She thanked him and turned quickly, running down the alleyway, those massive boots echoing with each step.  
  
Usually dealers weren't users, but in Matt's case, the using had come first. Being a musician could get boring, and they were starting to lose their teenage luster. At first the drugs had just been to pass the time between shows, and Matt would be the last to admit it, but now they had become a habit. An addiction, if you must. He knew he couldn't get caught because the only people who knew were his regulars and a few random stragglers, such as the girl had been. But as buyers, they could never tell...  
  
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The large black truck, complete with hemi, screamed 'asshole!' as it drove up to the school. Davis jumped out without even a goodbye to his father. Looking indifferent, his father sped off. Davis adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, eyes scanning the schoolyard. Cody sat on the steps, waiting for the bell to ring, Yolei had dropped her backpack and was frantically shoving the contents back in, and Kari was standing under a tree, strangely seperate from her usual chatty group of friends. Trying his best to look nonchalant, he jogged over. "Hey."  
  
"Hi," she smiled warmly, as usual.  
  
Before he could even feel strange for noticing this, Davis blurted "Is that a new top?"  
  
"Yeah," Kari nodded, "You like it?"  
  
"Kari Kamiya," he said, regarding the low back of the shirt, "How ever did your mother let you out of the house in that?" He laughed, knowing full well her parents turned a blind eye to most of the activities of Kari and her brother.  
  
She giggled, deciding it was best to change the subject, "History starts in a couple minutes..."  
  
Davis arched an eyebrow, "Since when do you care if we get to history on time?"  
  
"Since now," she said, linking her arm with his, "Come on." Davis looked down at their linked arms and grinned.  
  
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Alright, that's the first chapter. o-O The next one is more about TK and his... "serious issues". Be kind and review. Oh yes, and be harsh. I heart criticism. (-: 


	2. Teenage Prostitution Is Not Funny

When in doubt: deny, deny, deny...  
  
Disclaimers:  
  
#1 - I still do not, or plan to own Digimon and I probably never will. Really.  
  
#2 - There is a bunch of other stuff that I do not feel like re-typing so if you need to be reminded of this, read the chapter 1 disclaimer.   
  
#3 - Okay, this may not be a disclaimer, but thanks to my 2 DEAR reviewers, MinnieLove and my SORT OF dear friend Katie. Thanks a bajillion million.  
  
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TK shifted his weight uncomfortably in his desk. To his right, Kari giggled softly to herself, reading a note from one of her several friends. Davis sat behind him, quietly dozing as their history teacher droned on. Was he honestly the only one who bothered to pay any attention in this class? Glancing around at his classmates, the silent answer was a resounding 'YES.'  
  
But the geekiness he was feeling paled in his rising discomfort; his mind constantly on the wad of folded bills in his back pocket. Every time, he swore to himself that he wouldn't feel guilty about it; it was his body and he could do whatever the hell he wanted with it. Okay, he'd established that. No guilt... no guilt... no guilt. Then why were his palms so sweaty?  
  
He groaned inwardly and raised his hand, excusing himself to go to the bathroom. Once out in the hallway, his blue eyes flicked to the left, then right, making no one was watching. Miraculously, no one was. After he was completely sure, TK made a beeline for his locker; the basketball muscles he had built up over the years coming in handy. Frantically, he spun his combination, the sweat on his palms thwarting his attempts at speed. On the third try, he flung the locker open, hurled the money inside, and slammed the door; all a single fluid motion.  
  
Luckily for him, the hall was still empty as he headed to the bathroom to perform the ritualistic calming of his nerves and splashing of water onto his face. He looked himself in the eye, the cold water dripping down his face, beginning the reassuring that it was just an after-school job like any other, that it was nice to have new CDs, gas for his car, and money to throw around... But a part of him still insisted this was not true, this was not just another job.  
  
It had all begun about five months ago, when TK had been waiting for a light to change at the busy intersection in front of the movie theatre. He had been listening to the radio, absentmindedly humming along with the tune when a scene outside caught his eye. An attractive young man stood on the street corner across from the cinema. As TK looked on, a blue car pulled up to the curb; a gorgeous blonde leaned out the window and they spoke for a few moments. The man got into the car. In that moment, TK realized what was going on and then that he had just witnessed the luckiest man alive. Not only would he get some that night, but he would even get paid for it! It was almost too much to bear.  
  
Obviously, the job had its perks; the money, the sex, no boss, incredibly flexible hours... he actually only had to work when he felt like it... usually he did. But try as he might to justify it, TK paid dearly for his part-time job. Besides the overwhelming guilt, there was also the risk of infection, the couple dudes who had tried to pick him up and had expressively ignored him when he claimed he was not homosexual. And, man, some chicks were freeeaky. He visibly cringed, going over the details in his mind before deciding that more reminiscing was unnessecary, the teacher would be missing him soon. He bid his reflection farewell and stepped back out into the hall.  
  
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"Hey there!" Mimi's cheerful voice called out from the other end. Shortly after turning 18, she had moved back to Japan, her pink locks now dyed a fetching shade of green. It wasn't rare for Izzy's phone to ring, but it had become quite an occasion for him to actually be home to answer it. Although he had become quite 'rad' over the years, tending to leave the old laptop behind more often than not, hanging out with Mimi in her black clothes and paint-stained fingernails made him feel a whole lot 'radder'.  
  
"So, ah, what's up?" he said, immediatly feeling stupid; she attended the same college as him, but lived off-campus in an artsy studio loft with a bunch of cool alternative people with names like "Lilith" and "Jai" as opposed to the standard-issue dorm he shared with not one, but two bonehead jocks named Mike.  
  
She giggled, "Nothin' much." He was silent as she excused herself to inform Donovan that the organic pomogranite juice he was drinking was indeed HER oraganic pomogranite juice and would he please refrain from depositing it into his obese beatnik body, thank you very much. "So anyways," she said cheerily over Donovan's alternative shouting. "I was thinking... how about we go pay our hometown buddies a visit? Sora phoned and said she and Tai are going up for the week. We could cut class and make it a road trip!"  
  
There was no doubt that Izzy's coolness... er, 'radness' had risen since his younger days, the phrase "cut class" had floored him. Soon after college began, he had surprised everyone by coming out of his shell... he hadn't surprised anyone by coming out of the closet.   
  
'But it's Mimi,' his brain told him, 'Mimi is rad. Rad people do impulsive things like last-minute road trips. All Mimi's rad alternative friends would think you are pretty rad if you went with her. Even Jai...' (sigh).  
  
"Alright," his voice cut the train of thoughgt, "Alright, I'm in. And I assume we're taking my car." His mind flashed to the red-orange convertable his parents had bought him upon graduating valedictorian. It was just begging for a road trip.  
  
Mimi cheered, "Awesome! Pick me up tomorrow at 10."  
  
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"Please, please don't let him come in here." Davis silently prayed as he looked around at the gang gathered in his room. Kari sprawled on his bed, YES, the very place where he SLEPT; TK, whom for some reason he didn't quite hate so much any longer, leaned against his dresser; Cody sat, cross-legged in the middle of the floor and Yolei, Davis wasn't even sure why she was even there, had wandered off to the kitchen to grab a snack. He figured his father was out drinking or something of the like.  
  
"So, uh, why are we here again?" Kari mused, honestly wondering.  
  
"Ken," TK said solemnly, "It's been exactly six months."  
  
Her eyes fluttered downward, "...oh, yeah."  
  
But before the conversation could continue with more serious matters, Yolei had wandered into the room, 3 Drumstick ice cream cones, a few stalks of celery, and a rather large chunk of salt pork tucked under her arm. "What?" She asked, noticing all the blank stares in her direction.  
  
The group sighed collectively. Finally, Cody spoke, "Yolei, we all know that you are pregnant. Stop acting like you aren't." There was an exasperated tone in his voice, hinting that they just may have had this conversation before.  
  
"Pregnant? Me? No way..." She snorted and took a massive bite of salt pork.  
  
It was hard not to laugh, but Cody managed much better than the others, "How long has it been since you last menstrated?" He asked, matter-of-factly.  
  
Yolei shrugged, "I dunno, maybe 8 months?"  
  
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"Walk me home?" She had asked, waiting for TK to put his shoes back on.  
  
He hesitated, "I'd better not. I need to get home."  
  
"Oh," she said, managing a weak smile, "I'll see you tomorrow then." Kari stood and watched him leave, finding herself unready to go home. She turned in the opposite direction, feeling worse and worse with each step. A part of her had a destination in mind, another part was struggling against it, yet another part was thinking about how much had changed.  
  
Growing up, she had been a model child: good marks in school, lots of friends, exceptional behavior... her parents viewed her as an angel compared to her brother. And it wasn't even that Tai had been a bad kid, on the contrary, he had been fairly normal. But as they grew older, he and his parents constantly butted heads about every little thing, making it increadingly obvious to Tai and Kari what poor parents they had.  
  
When Tai had began smoking at age 16, they ignored it despite all the evidence pointing towards the obvious. At 17, when his mood took a plunge and he stopped sleeping at night, they had simply blamed it on hormones. Last year, when he had been 19, he had an overdose on painkillers that still hadn't been deemed accidental or not in his dorm room. Every time Kari saw him, Tai appeared older... and not in the normal way all the others had. His brown eyes were sunken in and skittery; he couldn't keep focus on any one thing. Sometimes, when he wore short sleeves, there were a few half-healed gashes visible on his wrist. He was virtually unrecognizable.  
  
Which is why Kari had not recognized her older brother sitting on the couch that night in the living room. His once-bushy brown hair had been cut short enough to bristle and stand up a half-inch from his head sans any sort of hair product, giving his head a very round appearance. He had grown incredibly thin over the years and was practically swimming in his old soccer jersey and pajama pants. His cheeks had grown thin and streched from all the weight he had lost, giving his face a perpetually sad look to it; one that usually agreeed with his mood.  
  
She was at a loss for words as she looked at the figure slumped on her couch, "Excuse me?" she had asked, unsure of what else to say. He raised his head, locking eyes with her and in that instant she had recognized him immediatly, "Tai?"  
  
Somehow he managed a smile, and it looked to Kari as if this had been the first in a long while. And when he spoke, it had only been two words, sad and familiar all at once:  
  
"I'm home."  
  
  
  
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I'm in the middle of writing the third chapter. Should be up soon. Remember: review, review, review! Think I'm a complete asshole for making TK a hooker? Insult me. Think I am beautiful and talented and wonderful? Tell me all about it. Think I need to shut the hell up? Jump off a cliff. But leave a review first. :) 


	3. Brotherly Advice Is Not Funny

Disclaimers Galore!  
  
Update: I still do not own Digimon.   
  
Ah yes, and all this crap is meant to be a parody, check the genre. If anyone is offended, I am truly sorry. Leave me a nice ANGRY review.   
  
Speaking of, feel free to leave me LOTS of reviews. And I'd like to take this moment to thank those who have done so up to this point. Yes, all FOUR of you. Thanks a million. (:  
  
We've got some more disclaimers as well, feel like reading them? Try chapter one.   
  
Now enjoy!  
  
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It felt a little weird to Sora - staying in a hotel in her own hometown. Staying with her mother? That was completely out of the question. She had thought about staying with Tai's family along with him, but she wasn't sure if he had even told them about her; not that they would mind or anything.   
  
Growing up, she had always harbored a small crush on Tai, even when they moved away to college, it still made her heart flutter to think about him. But something in the recent years called to her that he needed to be loved, so she had finally built up the courage to kiss him one night. At the library of all places...  
  
Sora volunteered there in her spare time, it was a healthy alternative to the partying that most of her classmates did. He had come around 11 PM to beg her for help studying for his government midterm. Eventually, she complied - even without the mass of familiar auburn hair to help persuade her, Tai still held a dear place in her heart. They had poured over his textbooks, alternately scribbling notes on foreign policies and reminiscing about old times into the wee hours of the morning. Sometime around 3 AM, when they were both relying solely on caffeine to keep them awake, she had leaned over and kissed him. For whatever reason, she had been surprised when he had kissed her back and even more surprised when he had called the next day and asked her to be his girlfriend. Old-fashioned-like. And of course she had said yes.  
  
She threw on some clothes and did her hair; they were going out with all the old gang that night. Matt's band was playing at that exclusive place downtown, Club #4. Because of Matt's stats, they could easily get the underage Kari, TK, and Davis in... Yolei had been throwing up for hours on end and complaining of back pains, so she was out. And Cody was only 15 and looked 12, they couldn't even consider getting him in.   
  
A shrill ringing broke the silence, Tai had phoned to remind her to pick up Davis on the way to the club. She sighed and sank onto the bed, amazed that she wasn't looking forward to this more. Normally it would be awesome to get together with all her old friends and see how much everyone had changed, but Tai... Tai had been acting so different lately. They fought constantly, him always accusing her of cheating on him, which she would never do, and her always feeling trapped, restless because he simply wasn't any fun anymore. Crossing the tiny room to the mirror, she looked at her reflection and forced a small smile, this would be different. She would have fun tonight.  
  
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The lights flashed, the music pumped, a sweaty throng of people gyrated on the dance floor. Kari was on sensory overload. Looking over at TK, she could see he was too. The group was crowded into a reserved booth, treated as special guests of the lead singer/guitarist of the club's main act. They all chattered amongst themselves, talking of their oh-so-interesting college hijinks. Tonight would be the night, she decided. Gathering her courage, she leaned over to TK, "Why don't we dance?"  
  
TK stared straight ahead, blatantly ignoring her. Startled, she waved her arm in front of his face, "TK?" He looked over at her, saying something she couldn't hear over the throbbing bass. Of course! The music was far too loud for her to be heard. Grinning, she yelled to him, "HOW ABOUT WE GO…" the music stopped abruptly, "DANCE?"  
  
Immediately, five pairs of eyes flicked interestedly to them. Turning beet red, Kari grabbed TK's hand and led him out to the dance floor. Almost immediately, Matt's raspy voice came over the sound system as the band started their first set of the night, an upbeat song that had gotten quite a lot of radio play a couple months ago. They began to dance - innocently at first, their eyes constantly on the group at the table. As soon as she could make it look natural, Kari pulled him deeper into the mass of people, dancing closer and closer…  
  
At first, TK had been quite shocked and began an immediate mental recollection of what Kari had had to drink that night. But he couldn't keep his mind on whether Davis had slipped anything into her drink or not for too long - Kari was not an easy dancer to keep up with. Just as he was about to drop to the ground from exhaustion, the band ended the song. He breathed a sigh of relief, after having been to so many of their shows over the years, he knew the next song in their set order would be a slow one. Had he not been drop-dead tired, he would have jumped for joy hearing the opening chords of his brother's acoustic guitar. Knowing Kari would not want to slow dance, he turned back towards the table, but before he could get very far, Kari grabbed his wrist, "I'm not done with you yet…"  
  
'Huh?' he thought to himself, putting his arms around her waist as the band began one of the pathetic songs Matt had written in a post-breakup heroin stupor. Kari pulled herself close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her, totally confused, "What is wrong with you tonight?"  
  
She cast a glance over to the table, Tai and Sora were sitting there alone, not talking; Sora looked worried, her brother looked angry… Mimi and Izzy were talking to a group of guys at the bar, Davis was near them, eyeing a blonde leaning against the wall. "I… I don't know," she started, preparing to vent all her concerns about growing up and changing and everyone else changing too, and how she felt she was drifting apart with the world, when something else overtook her and she tilted her head up and kissed him, looking straight into his blue eyes.  
  
It lasted only a second and probably wasn't so great as far as kisses go, but TK, who had been kissed many times before, had actually felt something. This, actually, did not happen often. Kari rocked back onto her heels, hands still laced around his neck, looking slightly embarrassed. Figuring it was his turn, he leaned down and kissed her, this time deeply and for a considerably longer amount of time. The music stopped and other couples broke apart, but the two stayed entwined in their embrace for several moments longer.  
  
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Davis could not believe what he was seeing. Those legs. And those eyes. And that… wait a second. Was that Kari? And… TK?!  
  
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Perhaps heading up towards the front and mingling into the crowd was a good way to escape the watchful eyes of Kari's brother, but neither of them had given a single thought to the perfect view TK's own brother would have. And of course, the singer/guitarist confronted his brother ever so subtly while he paid the usual visit on their break.  
  
"So, you got yourself a girlfriend?" Matt asked, messing vainly with his blonde hair in front of a mirror.  
  
TK shrugged, "Nah."  
  
Matt looked at him in the superior way he'd used since they were children; neither spoke. Faintly, the music from the club could be heard warbling in. "TK," he said softly, "I saw you."  
  
Immediately realizing what Matt meant, but hoping it wasn't true, he went red, "What? You mean… Kari? We're not exactly 'going out' or anything."  
  
"So you just stick your tongue down her throat every once in a while and call it good?" Anger shadowed Matt's face; he always had a quick temper.  
  
"Whoa!" TK exclaimed, trying not to get his brother angry, "What you saw, man… that was a one-time deal…"  
  
Matt's stormy blue eyes narrowed, "You're just going to treat a girl you've known for 10 years like just another hookup?"  
  
At this, TK had to hold back a chuckle. Getting a sermon from a drug dealer? Hah. "Well, I Haven't really had the time to think about it, Matt, it happened like, two seconds ago."  
  
The door swung open and the stage manager, a portly little man with a bushy black mustache walked in, tapping his watch, "About one minute, Matt," he said nasally before quickly stepping back out.  
  
"Okay!" Matt called in his normal, half-cheerful voice, abruptly shifting back to an angry one, "I'm just warning you, if you don't want a relationship, be careful what you do with your mouth."  
  
He lingered a few moments after Matt left, silently pondered the heartfelt gem of brotherly advice.   
  
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TK and Kari... What a surprise.  
  
I've got a LOT of this written, I'm probably up to like, at least chapter 5 or 6, but of course, this is all scrawled into my notebook. I only just finished typing this all in today. @_@ More soon. Coming Soon: Someone cheats on someone else and yet another two someones have a big date! I'm so excited. 


	4. Infidelity Is Not Funny

Chapter 4... Coming so soon after Chapter 3?! What a miracle.   
  
I wish it to be known that despite contrary rumors, I DO NOT own Digimon.  
  
I also would like to say that I've got some other stuff that can be read at the beginning of Chapter 1, mainly about don't get offended and all that jazz. (I have never seen Chicago. Just thought I'd add that that wasn't meant to be a pun.)  
  
So, hope you enjoy; I'd have to say, personally this is my favorite chapter yet. Remember to review!  
  
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Mimi threw back another shot, keeping her eyes shut for a few seconds after tipping her head back up. Upon opening them, she looked around at the astonished male faces gathered about her. "WHOOOOO!" she finally cheered, grinning as they joined her, raising their glasses in similar shouts. Izzy had left her long ago after some stud in leather pants bought him a drink... Her vision was beginning to blur as she scanned the shouting group. The alcohol was beginning to take over.  
  
She felt… like dancing, and she knew that after marveling at how well she could hold her liquor, she knew that any one of those guys would be glad to oblige, but there was just something about them that creeped Mimi out. And there was obviously something wrong with people that could creep her out when she was this drunk. "I've gotta go to the bathroom," she excused herself quietly, slinking away as she heard them making cracks about what she was going to do in there. Oddly enough, she actually didn't have to throw up, but it'd be best to let them think what they wanted, she thought, rolling her eyes as she pushed open the back door.  
  
Sighing to herself, she flopped down onto the step, dully glimpsing around the brick alley before producing a flask from inside her jacket. She popped off the cap and took a swig, rubbing her left temple with the other hand.  
  
"You gonna drink that all alone?" The voice startled her, making her choke a little. She looked over to where Tai leaned in the shadow of the building.  
  
She screwed the cap back on the flask, wiping her mouth with the back of her right hand. "Shit… you scared the crap outta me." Tai nodded as if this was a usual thing, "What're you doing out here anyways?"  
  
He shoved his hands into his pockets, sidling over a little closer, "Me and Sora got into a fight… she left."  
  
Mimi popped the cap back off of the flask, "You guys aren't exactly the most, well, 'likely' couple, but I think you two are… cute. What'dja fight about anyways?"  
  
"God… I don't even remember. She said I was no fun anymore and she just kept… bugging me, asking all these questions, so I told her to shut up and well…"  
  
With a tiny giggle, she took another drink, wiping her mouth again before she spoke, "Wow, I think that's the most you've ever said to me, like, ever."  
  
From his spot on the wall, he turned his head to look at the skinny, green-haired girl sitting on the steps. He thought about how much different that girl was than the spoiled princess she had been in their childhood. Her hair, green with a slight tint of blue, fell just past her shoulders and had been loosely curled; with a smile, he remembered the giant pink cowboy hat, and well, giant pink everything she used to own. "Can I have a drink?" he finally asked, motioning to the now half-empty container in her paint-stained hands.  
  
She smiled graciously, handing it to him and watching as he took a colossal drink. He put the flask down on the step next to her and they locked eyes. They sat, just looking at each other for what seemed like forever before Tai took a step forward; he looked at his feet, knowing full well what he was doing, but not entirely sure of himself. His eyes flickered back to hers and somehow, without moving or saying anything, she said everything with her brown eyes. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the step next to Mimi, wasting no time before he leaned over and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he positioned his tightly around her waist. They kissed fervently for a few minutes before Mimi stood up, laced her fingers through his, and pulled him through the doorway and back into the boisterous club. Laughing loudly, they raced through, hands still clasped together, unable to hear even each others' voices over the deafening music.  
  
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Maybe he wasn't the reason she had gone, but he was definitely the reason she had stayed at that crummy club. There had been times, albeit they were few and far between, where her eye had wandered, but mainly her attentions had been solely focused on Matt. But now… after seeing… him, Jun couldn't remember what Matt looked like if she tried. Not that she's want to.  
  
Even now, she could still picture him standing in that group of guys at the bar, crowding that weird-looking girl with the green hair. He hadn't seemed interested in her anyways, Jun knew. She had an eye for these kind of things. She sat at her desk, chin cradled thoughtfully in her right palm, thinking about his reddish-brown hair with golden highlights, artfully rumpled; he had these intense brown eyes that she managed to catch a few times from the table she had reserved two months in advance to see what's-his-name. After she had worked up enough nerve, she had gone over to the bar and ordered a strawberry daiquiri and… their hands had totally brushed as she reached for it. And they had been so soft, too! Jun was sure he used Mango Papaya #3, same as the girl in the cubicle next to her. When she followed him home, she had heard one of his friends call his name out the window, "Bye Izzy!" Izzy.  
  
And it got even better, she had seen him talking to her very own little brother for like, 5 whole minutes. Sure, Izzy looked kinda pissed and Davis looked really confused, but they were talking. She had to wonder how geeky Davis would know such a sexy college boy, but then again, he was friends with Matt's obviously gay little brother. In fact, it was quite entertaining, listening to Davis defend that poor boy's sexuality when it was so obvious he was, well, gay. Jun would know; she had an eye for these kind of things.  
  
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The night air was warm as they stood outside the club, giddy in their moment of artless passion. She was laughing as she watched him try to hail a taxi. Five-or-so minutes later, he finally caught the attention of a friendly-looking elderly cab driver, who drove up and offered the green-haired girl wearing black and the boy with the sad eyes a ride. They both giggled as they climbed into the backseat. The driver beamed throughout the whole ride, watching them through the rearview mirror as they kissed and cuddled the whole way to the motel.  
  
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She had smiled politely at the woman as she entered the store, carrying two already-full bags, she browsed around the lip gloss, headed back to look at some bathing suits, and rounded off her shopping trip with a trip to the pajama section. The girl returned the woman's smile as she left without buying anything; it was nice to see such a sweet girl.  
  
The rush of adrenaline practically carried Kari along the sidewalk, she skipped down past the outdoor food court before stopping to survey her latest "purchases": a cute little pair of pink boy briefs with red trim, a new eyeshadow palette and - this was the crown jewel - a pair of rimless tinted designer sunglasses. A very good trip indeed.  
  
Surely, she knew she shouldn't… she had a date tonight. And not just any date... a date with TK - who she could now officially call her boyfriend. And even though there had been lots of other guys throughout the years, it was difficult to get over her first real crush. And that night last week, she had finally channeled up nearly 10 years of suppressed feelings and kissed him.  
  
He had asked her out the very next day and straight away , after Davis had made only 2 death threats, they had got around to kissing some more. Now tonight, they were going to their first 'official' date. Just to a movie; nothing real special. They had seen thousands of movies together over the years, but now, Kari would be able to reach over and grab his hand when she as pretending to be frightened and they would share a pop with only one straw… it would all be so… perfect.  
  
So it was necessary for her to take the eyeshadow, she needed some more neutral tones. Everyone always said they brought out her otherwise-plain eyes. And the sunglasses, she knew she looked cute in them; she would wear them earlier in the date so when they got inside, she could take them off and TK could comment on how much the neutral tones on her eyes brought her otherwise-plain eyes out. As for the underwear? Well, she had just liked those… it's not like TK would be seeing them or anything… obviously. For God's sake… it was TK.   
  
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Ooer. The introduction of Jun… she always was my favorite character. O-o Actually I didn't have a favorite, but she's funny.   
  
It may take a while to get chapter 5 up (i.e. I have no life, it'll probably be up tonight.) and I can't really think of anything good to put as a sneak peek, you YOU'LL just have to hold tight. Please review. (: 


	5. Fatal Attractions Are Not Funny

If I owned Digimon, this would not be a FanFic. This would be an unbelievably low-rated episode.  
  
Chapter is quite lengthy; well at least compared to my other ones… I think.   
  
Aha! Thought of another disclaimer: this story (not just this chapter: all of it) contains billions and billions of inside jokes. Please don't feel TOO left out, because I would feel very dumb trying to explain them all. Plus, you probably would find me extremely unintelligent if I did take the time because… well, let's just say lots of things are much funnier at 3 AM. After you've consumed 3-foot-long pixie sticks. And are forced into sleeping in an army cot in what should be 80 degree weather, but is actually hovering around 17. And being hit on by oversexed 7 year olds would give you some understanding as well. xD  
  
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9:13  
  
Had it only been 6 minutes since she had last looked at the clock? It had seemed like hours ago Sora had ambled out of the overstuffed orange chair next to her phone to steal a glimpse of the microwave clock. She threw a glance over her shoulder at the red telephone, sitting soundlessly in its cradle. 'Ring,' she willed it silently, shutting her eyes, 'Come on, ring!'  
  
Silence.  
  
Exasperated, she flopped back into the chair. Tai had not called for 5 whole days. She hadn't even seen him around campus; he didn't show up to their calculus class… she never even saw him at the little Pizza Parlor he usually frequented on weeknights. His roommates said he had only come home once, packed a gym bag full of clothes, grabbed his toothbrush, and left. Sora hadn't said a word to him since the night of their squabble at Club #4.  
  
Her hand hovered over the phone as she mentally debated on whether to call his cell again. clamped her other hand miserably on her forehead as she grasped the receiver in her hand. One more time couldn't hurt… By now, Sora was sure her heart was thumping so loudly that it could be heard miles around as she dialed Tai's number. With each ring, she prayed he would pick up and tell her how much he loved her and that he was just stupid and sorry.  
  
"Hey, this is Tai. I'm not here right now, so…" Sora slammed down the phone, burying her head deep into the chair as she sobbed.  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
"That was real fun," Kari said, smiling up at him as they stood at her doorstep.  
  
"Yeah," TK beamed, "I had a great time…" He leaned in for a short goodnight kiss and with another smile, she disappeared into the house. "Bye," he said softly as her door shut.  
  
The whole walk back home, he felt like dancing. All alone. Just like the Billy Idol song. He had a job, he had his own car, he even had a girlfriend; life was goin' pretty good right about now for TK. A quick peek at his watch proved it to be a little past ten. Almost jokingly, he decided to work tonight. "And I won't even feel guilty," he chuckled.  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Eventually, he would have to come out, and when he would, she'd be ready. Jun rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, took CD of Matt's band she had bought 2 years ago and popped in a new one she had bought last week. Clay Aiken, of course.  
  
"If I was invisible!" She belted, rather off-key, along with Clay, "If I could just watch you in your roooooom…"   
  
Before she knew it, Jun had become so wrapped up in the song that she had hardly noticed Izzy walking down his front steps. "Wait! I already am!" she virtually yelled, stopping her serenade abruptly upon the realization that Izzy had indeed left the apartment and was sitting on his stoop, tying his shoe. Jun nearly swooned as she surveyed him, black leather pants, an-almost tight dark red Ricky Martin tank top showcasing his slightly muscular frame, reddish-brown hair impeccably spiked… mmm…  
  
Hurriedly, she shifted the car into drive as Izzy began to stroll down the sidewalk. He smiled and waved at an old woman watering her tulips. "Awww," Jun mused out loud. She began to wonder where someone like Izzy would go on a morning promenade. Over the course of the last couple days, she had paid off his drycleaner who said he was a computer science major with outstanding grades; his neighbor, who said he was more of a briefs person; and Sergio, at the gym Izzy frequented, who said he had a nice ass. Jun agreed,  
  
"The record store!" she exclaimed, watching him veer into a small brick building. "Brilliant!" She parked the car and walked in, not trying to look too conspicuous. From under her bangs, she watched him meander aimlessly through the store; you could tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they liked. Unexpectedly, Izzy turned his head, looking straight at her. Panicking, Jun dove for the nearby used CD and grabbed a couple copies of that Seal CD to hide her reddening face behind. From her safe place, she ignored the quirked eyebrows of the other shoppers and watched as he looked interestedly at a Cher tape. Cher? She never would have guessed.  
  
After observing Izzy making his purchases, she concluded that it was his sister's birthday soon. And his sister had an odd penchant for Kylie Minogue and Elton John.   
  
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"This will be the only time I do this, I swear." Sora said aloud to herself. The buildings whizzed by outside the window, blurring in and out of her focus. She didn't even usually drink, but it had only really been a few beers. And tonight, everything she was going to do would be completely justified after what Tai had done to her.  
  
About 10 minutes after her breakdown, feeling alone, she had dialed Kari. Kari had always been understanding, especially around matters of her older brother, seeing as she was pretty much the only one who knew him longer than Sora had - and wasn't wasted out of his mind, á la Matt. It had seriously disappointed her when Tai and Kari's mother had answered and told her that Kari was on a date. The distress had worn off a little when she had remembered her and TK together suddenly - some people deserved to be happy.  
  
In her moment of despair, she had then thought to call Mimi, who had turned into quite the advice maven. They hadn't spoken too much in the last couple years, but they were still on friendly terms. And although she had changed in a lot of ways that, er, weren't for the better, when it all came down to it, she was one of Sora's closest friends. A male voice answered Mimi's private line, which wasn't unusual. Of Mimi's four roomies, three were male and those alternative fruits were always rifling through Mimi's stuff. But this voice was deeper, more familiar, it was…  
  
"Tai?"  
  
There was some hesitation at the other end, "S-Sora?"  
  
The truth fell around Sora like those raindrops that seem to weigh a pound and a half apiece and always happen to hit you smack on the head. Without a sound, she placed the phone gently back in its cradle and began to quietly sob. Her shoulders shuddered as she wept, curling herself into a smaller and smaller ball in the giant armchair. Surprisingly enough, the sniveling had only lasted around five minutes, until she came up with a brilliant plan. She sat up with a cold-hearted snicker, deciding to detach herself and have a little fun getting her sweet revenge.  
  
Emotionless, she climbed into her car and headed downtown, promising herself all the while that she would never, ever do anything like this ever again. Really.  
  
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This one didn't fit either. "M-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-m!" Yolei cried.  
  
"Yes, honey?" Her mother walked in with a Happy Homemaker grin plastered to her face.  
  
Yolei stomped her foot, "WHAT did you do to all my clothes?"  
  
Her mother looked at her, puzzled, "Why of course not, dear. Is there something wrong with them?"  
  
"Are you JOKING?" she fumed, "I know I've been gaining a little weight, but there is not one pair of pants I OWN that fits me! Did you shrink them or something in the laundry? You've always been crap at laundry."  
  
"Yolei, your shape is just undergoing some changes right now. It'll be hard at first to deal with, dear, being a woman always is. Why I was the same way at your age! This one time, I -"  
  
Yolei cut her off, "I DON'T CARE, MOM. JUST NEVER, EVER, EVER TOUCH MY LAUNDRY AGAIN." She paused, regaining her "composure". And, uh, are we out of baking chocolate? Because I'm STARVED."  
  
"Alright, hon. I'll check."  
  
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Still feeling quite foolish, Sora slowed the car near the cinema, gazing uneasily at the four-or-so men lined up on the curb, trying to look nonchalant. She cleared her throat awkwardly, hitting the unlock button; eyes glued to the passenger's side door.  
  
Immediately upon looking out the window, one caught her eye. From his silhouette, he was noticeably taller and thinner than the others. He'd have to do for tonight. Praying she hadn't misjudged his reasons for being out in a notorious prostitution district after dark, she pulled the car up next to him. He strode assuredly up to her car, leaning in the passenger's side window and getting right to business, "It's gonna be $100."  
  
Sora's eyes strained in the darkness, taking a few seconds to place the face. At once, her body jolted with recognition, "TK?!" she blurted.  
  
The air was still for a few seconds, "…crap."  
  
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And this is why we don't prostitute ourselves in public, right TK?  
  
Mwahaha. I 3 ruining people's lives; even if they aren't real.  
  
PLEASE review. Although I may not USE them, I enjoy suggestions, although I basically have about 3 or 4 more chapters already written in the Notebook of Death. It's so disorganized that I already have a "lost" chapter because, er, I lost it. Wasn't too crucial, but it was pretty funny. Involved TK man whoring himself out to a fat red-haired woman and being terrified of seeing her sans her top. XDDD " What happened to the hooker with a heart of gold? Forget to read that chapter?"  
  
Actually, that one came on at 2:45. (:   
  
Share the love, folks. 


	6. Shoplifting Is Not Funny

Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the characters are even similar enough to the show for me to even have to do this, because this is quite OOC… but I do not own Digimon, or the characters. I do enjoy prostituting them, making them sell drugs, having them randomly hook up, and have them somehow not able to realize they are nearing 9 months along in their pregnancy.  
  
Speaking of: I thought I'd post a helpful character status chart, since this is probably superbly confusing. AND they're alphabetized. Goody!  
  
Cody-Spends most of his time trying to convince Yolei of her approaching motherhood.  
  
Davis-Being abused by his father. This was just sort of in the beginning, I'll cont. on it more later.  
  
Izzy-Gay.  
  
Jun-Stalking Izzy.  
  
Kari -Compulsive shoplifter, dating TK  
  
Ken-In case you didn't catch this, it was hinted that he had killed himself 6 months ago. This will be worked in later - they don't talk about it for a REASON, okay?  
  
Matt-Drug dealer, addicted to several drugs. Small-time rock star.  
  
Mimi-Binge drinker, had/having affair with Tai.  
  
Sora-Once found out about Tai, decided to make him jealous with prostitute. Ended up picking up TK. Drama!  
  
Tai-Depressed, self-mutilator, smokes, drinks, etc. Cheating on Sora with Mimi.  
  
TK -Recently exposed by Sora as a teenage prostitute.  
  
Yolei-Can't seem to comprehend that she is very, very pregnant.  
  
Voila Chapter 6!  
  
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A very strange sound came from Matt's throat as he woke up at 2 PM. Last night's show had lasted 'til around 1 and he and the rest of the band had stayed up 'til around 6 tripping on acid, smoking whatever they could find, and trying out new material.  
  
It made him feel a little unusual to notice this, but his "#1 fan" had been curiously absent at last night's show. Typically, from his spot at the front of the stage, he could spot Jun sitting somewhere within the vicinity, smiling that so-creepy-you-just-wanna-kick-her smile.   
  
He sauntered out to the coffee pot, flipping the switch to the on position before heading to the fridge to resurrect some three-day-old pizza. Five minutes passed and he poured himself a cup of coffee - black - and sat down to check his voice mail.  
  
The first two messages were from Jill, a girl he had hooked up with about a month ago after this great set they played at that exclusive club down on 2nd Avenue. Long story short, he had unwittingly given her his phone number while stoned out of his mind. Over the subsequent weeks, she had morphed into a Semi-Jun, leaving a bright, cheery message on his voice mail every morning, asking why he hadn't called. The next one was from Brent, the band's drummer, asking Matt to hook his friend up with some pot this afternoon behind that closed-down karaoke bar. He looked down at the phone: one more message - the number shown was TK's cell. Where was the kid nowadays anyway?  
  
"Hey Matt… I'm in trouble," he sounded worried, "Sora, ah, Sora caught me… uh… doing something I'm, uh, probably not supposed to. Can you pleeease call my mom and tell her I was, uh, at… uh, your show last night and just spent the night afterwards? Thanks, bro."  
  
Matt sighed, wondering what it was that TK had actually done wrong… the boy was so dull. Sora had probably caught him copying one of Izzy's old AP Chemistry essays or something stupid like that. Chuckling, he began to dial the number of TK's mother.  
  
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By the time Kari awoke, the same giddy smile was still spread across her face as had been last night, she rolled over with a dreamy sigh, closing her eyes to begin that extra 10 minutes of sleep. Just as she had begun to drift off, the phone on her nightstand chirped. Giggling as she shifted positions again, she sat and listened to the opening bars of 'Baby Got Back', which she had downloaded as a ringtone. After the third time through, Kari snatched up the phone before the voicemail could take the call. "Hi…" she said amidst a yawn.  
  
"Kari? Hey."  
  
Her face twisted into a worried expression, she could tell it was Sora. Sora usually called when something was wrong with Tai. Especially if she called on a Saturday morning. "Hey Sora… what's up?"  
  
Sora clenched her teeth, her mind racing to find the words to break the news to her. Might as well just start at the beginning, "Well," she inhaled deeply, "Your brother cheated on me."  
  
"What?" Kari bolted up in her bed, "I'll kill 'im, Sora! You don't deserve that!"  
  
A light sigh emitted from the other end as Sora fumbled for the words, "With Mimi," Kari gasped, but she continued on, "But don't get too riled up, Kari, it gets worse."  
  
Teeth gritted, Kari muttered, "How could it get any worse? You deserve better than him and you know it. And you deserve a better friend than Mimi if she would do that do you." She hugged her pillow tightly, trying not to scream. How could Tai do this?  
  
"Calm down, Kari. I told you it gets worse. The rest… is about you."  
  
"What did I do?" she asked.  
  
Sora paused, trying desperately to think of something to say, "Not you directly - it's about TK." She halted, expecting another enraged outburst from Kari, but the line stayed quiet, Sora took in another deep breath and continued, "I was mad. And I did something irrational, just to piss your brother off. And you should never do this… I mean, look what happened to me. But I… oh, Kari. It sounds so stupid, but… I was going to pick up a prostitute."  
  
Despite herself, Kari chuckled, "What?!"  
  
"A male one, Kari."  
  
"…Oh."  
  
"And well," she tried to think of how to say it, "I pulled up to this guy, and, uh, you know, he gave me a price and, well… I'm so sorry."  
  
"About what?" Kari asked, puzzled.  
  
Another deep breath, "It was TK."  
  
"That's not funny, Sora."  
  
"I'm not laughing."  
  
They both sat in silence, as a million thoughts raced through Kari's head. After what seemed like forever, she finally spoke, "You're trying to tell me that my boyfriend, whom I have known since I was eight, is a PROSTITUTE? That is so ridiculous that I am not even going to laugh."  
  
Eyes widened, Sora sat, stunned. How could she not… "Why the hell would I ADMIT to picking up a HOOKER if I wasn't going to tell you something IMPORTANT?"  
  
Memories of the last couple months flooded Kari like a river; TK always having to leave early when they hung out, TK always having money to pay for everyone's ticket to the movies, or picking up the lunch tab most of the time, TK missing first period more often than attending it… Sora's revelation was beginning to make some sense… "No," she said softly.  
  
"Listen, I'm real sorry I had to tell you…" she stopped, hearing a click, ensuing that Kari had hung up.  
  
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"Owwww…" Yolei groaned, clutching her clearly protruding stomach, "Ever since I put on all this damn weight, my stomach aches, like, every day," she said miserably.  
  
Cody and Davis's eyes stared back at her blankly. Even Davis had given up trying to convince her of the painfully obvious. After an awkward silence, Davis grabbed the remote and turned on a soccer match. Nothing else to say, the three sat in front of the TV; Cody and Yolei halfheartedly watching, Davis more so.  
  
Yolei suddenly twisted in pain, "Aaaah!" More dull gazes. "There we go," she smiled, "It's gone. They only seem to come every couple minutes anyway…"  
  
Slowly, Cody and Davis turned to each other, "Oh, my God." Cody breathed.  
  
"YEAH!!" Davis bellowed. Cody shot him a look, "Did you SEE that?" he said, awestruck. "Oh… oh YEAH. We gotta get her to the HOSPITAL." Fed up, Cody rolled his eyes as Davis headed off to the phone.  
  
"Gosh," Yolei said from her place on the floor, "I don't need to go to the hospital for a silly little tummy ache."  
  
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She must have told Kari by now. It was only logical. He had to find her. But where would she be? Not at home - that much was obvious… she knew TK would look for her there. The park, maybe… Kari loved the maple trees… no, wait a minute! She was an 18-year-old girl, how could he BE so dumb?   
  
Retail therapy!  
  
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Careless, she knew this was careless, but how much did it matter any more? But the guy in the cosmetic store had practically stopped her as she was leaving. The innocent face she had perfected over the years had ultimately worked to her advantage and prevented the security guard from calling her on the contents of her shopping bag and Kari knew it. Thing was… she almost wanted to get caught. Lord knows she had an excuse -- her boyfriend was a whore for God's sake!  
  
That was just it… kids like them weren't hookers! They owned Playstation 2s and drove their parents cars to the mall, they went to the movies every Friday… not the corner across the road! And besides… she hadn't even HEARD of a male prostitute, yet alone ever dreamed she would be dating one!  
  
Still pondering this, she turned into a trendy boutique. She came here often, usually didn't even take anything: security system would be too risky, she had concluded. But she liked to try on the cocktail dresses and imagine herself at some fancy American party or something. Abruptly, her thoughts and her feet stopped as if they'd hit a wall. Right there in front of her was the most adorable orange miniskirt she had ever set eyes on. She knew she'd have to have it.  
  
Trying to look casual, Kari took the skirt off the rack and moseyed into the dressing room. A quick look at the tag proved the skirt to be way out of her price range. She slumped onto the stool, weighing her choices. Here she was, 18 and a virgin -- she had always told herself that she was going to wait for marriage, but deep down, there was always a little voice in her head that had said it would be TK. And she had thought she had known him, assumed he had been doing the same thing… what a crock that was!  
  
She shut her eyes tightly and shoved the skirt into her bag.  
  
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Might I add here that STEALING IS BAD. IF YOU STEAL, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT. Even if your significant other has been selling his body, you should still not steal. Or deal drugs. Or any of the other things these pathetic characters are doing. -beats them all-  
  
Anywho, leave me a review, suggestion, comment, etc. 


	7. Revenge Is Not Funny

When in doubt, disclaim, disclaim, disclaim:  
  
1) Not my characters, not my show  
  
2) This chapter has some, er, implied sexual content. Not graphic or anything, because I want this story to retain its PG-13 Rating (note the lack of any real swearing)  
  
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"Damn it, Cody! TK's not home either!"  
  
"Don't look at me! I don't have a car!"  
  
"Well… neither do I. What are the odds THIS would happen… to US?" Yolei's "tummy aches" were coming more frequently now and she was beginning to get a little frightened. Currently, she lay on Davis's couch, alternately screaming in pain and shoveling devilled eggs into her mouth. It was not a good combination to behold.  
  
Cody sighed, "How can it possibly be that Tai, Matt, Kari, TK, Mimi, and Izzy are all away from their phones?" Unbeknownst to them, all six of them did have their phones; accordingly, they all possessed caller ID and didn't feel like taking a call from Davis.   
  
"Noooooooo!! What the hell was that!? Are you blind!?" Davis shrieked suddenly.  
  
Aggravated, Cody switched off the TV, "Uh… uh… uh… SORA! DAVIS, CALL SORA!"  
  
Davis made a face, still staring at the blank screen as he picked up the phone. As he was dialing, a voice rang out from the kitchen, "Davis, are you out of salt pork?"  
  
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He had seen her go in with the miniskirt. He had watched her intently as she walked out heedlessly, picked up a bottle of cranberry scented soap, and paid for it. She hadn't put the miniskirt back! He watched as she smiled and laughed, waving goodbye to the cashier as she headed out the door. Cautiously, he stepped into the dressing room where she had just been; not surprised to see that it was completely empty. Not an orange miniskirt in sight.   
  
Jogging, he followed her out the door, jogging faster and faster until her caught up with her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Instantly, she flinched and whipped around.   
  
"TK!" She shrieked, "Get away from me!"  
  
He bit his lip, looking at her, "I am so, so sorry."  
  
She glared at him furiously, "You'd better be!" She shook her head, trying to convert her rage into words, "I… I mean, you're a hooker! You… you… hooker!"  
  
TK gritted his teeth and balled his fists, "Hey Kari, what's in the shopping bag?"  
  
The color in her face drained, "Soap."  
  
"It's an awful big bag for just soap."  
  
She tightened her grip on the handles, "I bought some other stuff too."  
  
He smirked, "Like that miniskirt? I bet it looks real cute on you."  
  
"Shut up, TK."  
  
"Don't give me that."  
  
Flustered, she threw the bag down, "No, you don't give ME that. I really liked you, TK, for a long time and you… you… GOD!" She turned and ran down the sidewalk, leaving her bag behind.  
  
In a flush, TK grabbed her bag and followed after her, catching up easily. Frantically, she rounded a corner to escape his pursuit. "Kari!" he yelled, following. She turned again, winding deeper into the Tokyo back alleys so famous for illegal activity. TK stopped to take a breath, looking up at the steadily darkening sky. It was only about 5 PM and looked like it was nearing 10. Now which way had Kari turned? He ground his teeth together in determination and guessed left.  
  
An empty alley. He sighed, hoping her had picked the right direction, and turned another corner, and realizing more and more with each step how hopeless his situation really was.  
  
  
  
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Despite her current state of distress, Sora knew it would be of utmost importance to get Yolei to the hospital. The rearview mirror showed a scene in the backseat that would have been quite comical to Sora had it not been so pathetic. A quick game of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' had made Cody the lucky recipient of the front seat of Sora's car. On the other hand, Davis sat, as far as he could physically get away from Yolei, who was pressed up against the opposite window, clutching her stomach and writhing in pain.   
  
"So, ah, Yolei," Cody said sarcastically, "How's the stomach ache coming along?"  
  
"Aaaarrrrggghhhh!" said Yolei.  
  
At this, even Sora smiled, trying to figure out if Yolei was still trying to deny her blatant pregnancy, or if she actually had found a way to be that ignorant.  
  
Cody continued on, unfazed, "Just tell us already, Yolei. Who is the father?"  
  
She squirmed painfully, managing to scream between contractions, "I'm… not… preg… ant!"  
  
"Augh!" Davis shouted, having had enough, "YES! YOU! ARE!"  
  
"Nooooo!" Yolei shrieked, soaring into the back of Sora's seat as the car made a wide turn into the hospital parking lot.  
  
Somehow, throughout the array of chaos spread throughout her car, Sora managed to keep level-headed long enough to pull up to the door to the maternity wing of the hospital. "Cody," she said coolly, "Escort Yolei into the hospital and check her into the maternity- "  
  
Yolei cut in, "I'm not-"  
  
"Shut up, Yolei. Davis, you call Yolei's family and then the rest of the gang, everyone should be here to see this. I'll park the car and be in in a minute."  
  
Begrudgingly, Cody stepped out of the car and grabbed Yolei's elbow, yanking her into the hospital. Davis followed them, attempting to get Sora's cell phone to turn on. Alone in the car, Sora found herself sitting alone for a few minutes, smiling at the irony of it all.  
  
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Matt checked his watch, Brent's friend was more than half an hour late, and Matt didn't like being out here for so long in daylight, he felt so… conspicuous. He figured he'd just wait around for about five more minutes. If the friend didn't show, Matt would just head home and beat Brent's ass later.  
  
Looking around, he tried to find something of interest in the bleak side street that was his usual meeting place. There was a bit of graffiti on one of the crumbling cement walls, but other than that, not a single sign of excitement anywhere near.  
  
Suddenly, the air was pierced with loud footsteps: someone was running. If Brent's little buddy had the cops on his tail and ended up leading them to Matt, he would kill him the second he got the chance. He'd… The footsteps got louder and just as Matt looked up, the slim figure of a girl appeared at the mouth of the alley. From about 30 feet away, he recognized her almost instantly - it was Kari.   
  
She took a few steps closer, coming into better focus. Matt could see that there were a couple tear stains on her cheeks, and it looked like any second, a whole flood more could flood from her eyes.  
  
"Kari?" He finally asked, already sensing the answer to the question he was about to ask, "Did… did my brother do this to you?" She nodded, sniffling as he took a couple steps closer to her, hoping she wasn't wondering what he was doing in a dingy side street in the middle of the day. He pulled her into a hug, "What happened?"  
  
Reaching into her pocket, she took out a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes, "Oh Matt, I don't wanna talk about it."  
  
He smiled weakly, racking his brain for the remaining shards of moral advice he had left, when Kari leaned over and kissed him - right on the lips.  
  
Now, had Matt been a normal guy without a moderately large amount of speed in his system and still reasonably hung over, he might have said to himself, "Hey, this is my little brother's girlfriend kissing me. They are obviously having some issues and she is probably feeling very insecure and vulnerable right now. I should gently push her away and talk with her about what is going wrong." Unfortunately for the well-being of many people, including Matt himself, Matt was not that certain type of normal guy. Instead, what he said to himself was more along the lines of "Well, hey - Kari is pretty hot…"  
  
He put his hand on her cheek, rather shocked at how good of a kisser Kari was. In his mind, she would probably always be Tai's little sister, tagging along and wanting to play with the big boys. Remembering this, he stopped himself when his natural frontman-of-a-small-time-rock-band instinct kicked in and he had begun unbuttoning her light blue polo. To his immense surprise, Kari moved his hand back to its original position while still kissing him. "No," Matt said, pulling away, "Not now. Not here."  
  
Kari tilted her head towards him, "Where should we go then?" she cooed softly.  
  
"Go?" He laughed, stifling a chuckle, "I can't 'go' anywhere with you - it'd be illegal."  
  
She smiled seductively, "Not quite, Matt. Did you forget that I turned 18 two months ago?"  
  
Despite himself, Matt was quite taken aback, she WAS old enough. He sat there for a moment, pondering this as he looked Tai's baby sister in the face. Shutting his eyes, he nodded his head, "Mmmm, okay. Yeah, my car's back here."  
  
With a mischievous smile, Kari linked her arm with his, "A car? That will be just fine."  
  
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Tsk, tsk. When will these silly little people learn that revenge won't help anything?   
  
Chapter 8 swirls in the NOD… it's mostly about Sora rounding everyone up everyone to the birth of Yolei's… um, baby. But I don't wanna give up too much. So, review. If I don't get any love, I won't wanna continue, ya know?  
  
Of course you know. 


	8. Teenage Pregnancy Is Not Funny

I don't own Digimon.  
  
This chapter kinda sucks. It's mainly just everyone getting to the hospital because it would be weird if they all just teleported there. I'm done writing the story now… I've just gotta get it all up here. It ends on a sort of sad note, but I'm gonna write a more happiesh epilogue. I'm in a hurry, because my first class starts in ten minutes, so, just… enjoy.  
  
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"Nice to meet you, I'm Izzy." He smiled politely at the girl sitting next to him at the coffee shop he frequented often. Something about the brown eyes and giant fuchsia hair looked eerily familiar. Jun… where had he heard that name before?  
  
She took a sip of her cappuccino, her eyes never leaving his face, "Oh, but the pleasure's all mine."   
  
Creepy, he thought, she reminds me of a snake. He chuckled to himself at this witty mental remark, but before Jun could chime in and ask him what he was laughing about, the air was suddenly filled with the chorus bars of Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful'. Jun looked around perplexed as Izzy laughed, playfully lifting a finger to excuse himself as he took his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. "Hello?" From the corner of his eye, he could see Jun "casually" listening.   
  
"Izzy? This is Davis."  
  
"Davis?" Izzy asked.  
  
"DAVIS?!" Jun shouted.  
  
Izzy shot her a curious look, "What's up?"  
  
"Was that my sister? …oh well, oh - um, Yolei's in labor."  
  
He nodded, processing the information, "You're at the hospital then? …. Okay, I'll be right there." He turned hastily to Jun, "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. Nice meeting you."  
  
Jun sat for several moments, pondering what was going on. She had finally worked up the courage to talk to the guy of her dreams and now it was cut short by… her brother?! And what was he doing at the hospital? Was he hurt? Why did he call Izzy and not her? She decided she would just have to follow and find out.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
"I just got a call from Davis."  
  
"I thought we were ignoring his calls."  
  
"We were. He was on Sora's phone."  
  
"Why are you taking HER calls?!"  
  
"Well… she might have wanted to talk or something… you know?"  
  
"Whatever. What did Davis want?"  
  
"It's Yolei. She's having her baby."  
  
"Yolei has a baby?"  
  
"No, silly, not YET."  
  
"Ugh, I don't care. I hardly even know her."  
  
"Um, same here. I can't even recall if I've met the girl. But Davis said it's imperative that we be there."  
  
"Davis said imperative?"  
  
"No… he said Sora is making a big deal out of everyone being there."  
  
"Sora's there? God, Mimi, you know I can't go."  
  
"Just tell her the truth."  
  
"I think she's probably figured out most of it."  
  
"But not ALL of it, Tai. You've just got to talk to her."  
  
"Augh… fine. But I don't wanna see no babies gettin' born.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
Cody sat on one of the extremely uncomfortable couch/benches the hospital provided for the families of those in labor. Inwardly, he chuckled at how the group must look to the room's other occupant, a spindly-looking man sitting awkwardly on another bench, looking as if the slightest breeze could send him to a million pieces. He, Davis, Sora, Tai, Mimi, and TK sat, laughing and talking - the only family Yolei had at the maternity wing. However sad it was that her mother had not believed Davis when he announced to her that Yolei was in labor, Cody had to admit - it was kinda funny…  
  
"Should I even call Matt?" Davis said, hitting the 'end' button on Sora's cell phone.   
  
"Of course you should," Sora snapped, "Plus, he might have some idea where Kari is… or why Izzy is taking so long." She didn't even bother taking a break from glaring daggers at Tai to shoot an annoyed look Davis's way.   
  
TK looked up miserably at Sora from his position on the floor, "Why would my brother know where Kari is?"  
  
Davis shrugged, "It's a druggie thing. Somehow they all seem to know everything that's going on without even being able to -" The speech was cut short by TK launching himself at him, fists flying. Davis, caught off his guard, curled into a fetal position, trying to protect his begoggled head. Instinctively, Tai pushed the blonde boy off. Brought to practical tranquility by the sobriety of their situation, both boys sat, stunned in their seats.  
  
"I'll call him," Sora said crossly, snatching her phone away from Davis and hitting Matt's number, which was curiously on speed dial.  
  
About six miles away, in a beat-up beige chevy, a shirtless Matt picked up his cell phone on the fourth ring, sounding a little preoccupied, "Hello?"  
  
"Matt? This is Sora, I need you to come to Odiba General, like, now."  
  
He reached over a bemused-looking Kari and grabbed his shirt, "Sure. Something wrong?"  
  
Sora laughed, trying to sound blasé, "Not really. Oh - and have you seen Kari lately?"  
  
Without thinking, Matt replied immediately, "Yeah, she's right here."  
  
"What?!?!" Sora exclaimed, even more confused than Kari.  
  
"Shit!" came Kari's voice from the background.  
  
Matt came back on the line, "Uh… I… We'll be right there." Sora sank back down onto the rock-hard couch with a sigh. It was only a little past four and yet this was shaping out to be one of the oddest and most hectic days of her life.  
  
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Pleaseeeee review. 


	9. Gay Bashing Is Not Funny

Disclaimer: Digimon is not miiiiiiine.   
  
And also, let me explain that the views of characters, minor or major, in this story are not mine. There are SERIOUS ISSUES in it. (Read the title.) And if you do happen to think they are funny… well that is not my problem. Let me just share that I am a completely tolerant individual. To quote Dave Barry, "I don't mean to make the characters offensive… they do that on their own."  
  
Another thing I'd like to share is that the traits paired with the characters (i.e. TK the hooker, Mimi the alcoholic, Yolei the oblivious pregnant one…) were random. No joke. I wrote down the traits and gave them letters and kt (drawerfull) assigned each letter to a number… and it fell out perfectly. Whee.   
  
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"Alright, miss. We need the first and last name of the father of the baby."  
  
Yolei continued in her crusade, despite being strapped to a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, and sweating like a hippo in heat, "I'M NOT PRRRRREEEEEGGGGNANNNNTT!" she panted.  
  
"You can give up now, honey. There's nothing we can do about it now. Just tell us his name, please." A kindly nurse interjected.   
  
Tears streamed down Yolei's face, out of both frustration and pain, "You don't understand. I'm really not gonna have a baby!"  
  
All of a sudden realizing that the poor girl actually did not know she was pregnant, the nurse's face softened. "Well, dear… who have you, ah, had intercourse with in er… the past year?"  
  
The group looked on from the foot of the bed, Sora's head was leaning way down on Cody, who was at least a foot taller, 's shoulder, crying softly; Matt's arms were wrapped protectively around Kari, who was paying less attention to Yolei and her serious issues than checking to see if TK was watching her. Davis and Tai leaned against the wall, arms crossed identically, both trying to look indifferent. TK was indeed looking over at his brother and Kari; a tear trickled down Davis's left cheek; Cody looked pissed. Mimi was still in the lobby, trying to get ahold of Izzy, who still hadn't showed up. With the exception of Sora, no one really even cared.  
  
For a second, the pain left Yolei's face and was replaced by pure confusion, "What's intercourse?"  
  
Matt rolled his eyes, "Sex."  
  
The confusion remained, "What?"  
  
And every jaw in the room dropped.  
  
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Izzy got off the subway about a mile from Odiba General. Of course, he did not notice Jun getting off right behind him; he was in too good of a mood to be paranoid. Births always made him happy for some reason - new lives coming to share the world with him… he exhaled deeply, looking around in the spring sunshine.  
  
Seemingly out of nowhere, three tall guys, looking to be around TK and Davis's age, stepped out of one of the side streets ands into Izzy's path. They were dressed mostly in black and wore all sorts of "thuggish" apparel. The shortest one stepped forward, speaking in a mocking tone with a noticeable Spanish accent, "Yo, fag. Where you goin'?" Despite the fact that Izzy was terrified, he noticed there was a red bandana tied around his KNEE, of all places.  
  
"The hospital - my friend is having a baby." He smiled cheerfully, trying to remain cool.  
  
"Would that be yo' boyfriend, dawg?" The pudgiest one asked, causing the other two to burst into peals of laughter.  
  
Being quite intelligent, Izzy figured out what was going on quickly, "Actually my fiancée… my FEMALE fiancée."  
  
The one wearing a beanie stepped closer to Izzy, looking him from head to toe and revealing he had very bad teeth. "Oh yee-ah, I forgot about them operations dey givin' queers nowadays…" All three hooted and hollered, finding this hysterical.   
  
Izzy looked around, panicked, when to his surprise, the girl from the coffee shop burst forth from behind him, all appendages flailing and screaming at the top of her magenta-haired lungs. He watched, horrified, as two of the thugs lifted her effortlessly into a dumpster.  
  
"We don't take to yo' kind 'round here." Bandana-knee said, anger in his voice.  
  
Frantically, he searched for a form of escape, but despite his genius IQ, he was coming up painfully short. "Please, I'm not hurting you," he pleaded."  
  
He never even saw the first blow coming as Beanie-head hit him upside the head. Heard Jun cry out from inside her dumpster as he fell miserably to the pavement. Felt the stab of each of their kicks as he covered his head pathetically, trying to stop them from doing any real damage. They could kill him - he'd heard of it happening. Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted and dropped. Izzy Braced himself for a tough fall onto the asphalt, but instead, the ground felt… mushy? His eyes closed as he absorbed the overpowering smell. And then he felt blackness.  
  
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The doctor looked around awkwardly, "I'm not sure this is… the best time for this…"  
  
Mimi sighed, bothered. She had given up on Izzy and was beginning to think of herself as a savior of sorts to Yolei's situation. "Of course it's the right time," she laughed, unrolling the nude male and female posters in front of the bed. What better place for a good ol' sex talk than a hospital?   
  
Yolei screamed, gripping the sides of the bed tightly.  
  
"Oh be quiet," Mimi chided, beginning. Right off the bat, she pointed to the male poster, "This is a man's…"  
  
"Mimi," Tai spoke up, "She's gotta know this stuff, I mean… she's pregnant, for God's sake."  
  
"I'm… not…"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Everyone yelled.  
  
Before Mimi could answer, Kari chimed in, "Well, it could be a virgin birth… you know… like Mary and Joseph." Instantly, ten pairs of eyes stared at her coldly, "… or maybe not…" she said timidly.  
  
Having overcome the interruption, Mimi turned back to her posters, "As I was saying, here we can see the…"  
  
"Oh PLEASE!" Yolei panted through contractions, "I know THAT."  
  
Unfazed, Mimi continued, "And when a boy likes you very much, he - " she drew the pointer back, like a windup before the big pitch.  
  
"That's enough!" Yolei's doctor objected finally. The rest of the group breathed a collective sigh of relief, "Anyways, it's about time now. Anyone who would not like to witness a live human birth may leave the room now." But everyone was long gone before he could even finish the sentence.  
  
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Without the distraction of Yolei's labor pains, the remaining Digidestined were left to their own devices. Which is never good. They sat in the waiting room, along with Spindly-man, who hadn't moved his left leg in over three hours.  
  
Matt sat on a couch, arm around Kari, who was still relishing the reaction she was getting from TK. Tai had somehow ended up on the opposite couch, between an angry Sora and a giggly Mimi. Davis, Cody, and TK, sat on yet another, all looking as if any second they were going to explode.  
  
"Does anyone here want to talk? About anything?" Cody asked, looking around at the hostile faces.  
  
"Well," Davis started, "I've had some, uh, issues with my bladder recently."  
  
Cody's eyes narrowed as both he and TK scooted a few inches away from Davis on the couch, "That's enough." Everyone sat quietly, each not wanting to be the first to speak; yet alone speak at all. "Alright," Cody continued, ever the eager therapist, "Let's start by going around in a circle and everyone apologizing for something they've done wrong."  
  
"Hey Cody." Matt said softly, "Shut the - "  
  
"Matt!" Mimi cut him off.  
  
Sora broke in, "Like you have the right to tell anyone what to do, Mimi."  
  
"Shut UP, already, Sora." TK grumbled, resenting Sora for all of his problems. From her place under Matt's protective arm, Kari shouted a couple obscenities at TK. Spindly-man looked around at them, as if he was about to faint.  
  
Annoyed, Cody stood on top of the coffee table, "QUIET!!" To his immense surprise, they all complied. And it was at this moment that a stretcher accompanied by two doctors, some very panicked nurses, and… Davis's sister? zoomed through the waiting room, headed for the emergency wing. But before it could pass, everyone had seen the passenger… it was Izzy.  
  
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"It's a girl!" the nurse exclaimed, a huge smile on her face as she placed the tiny red-faced bundle into Yolei's arms.  
  
"Yay!" Yolei clapped as she, cradled her baby.  
  
The nurse's smile widened, "Should I call in your friends?"  
  
Yolei nodded happily, but the doctor broke in, "No, before we do that, we need to talk, Yolei…" She gulped, holding her baby closer.  
  
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"Davis!" Jun sobbed, arms wound around her younger brother, "Oh, Davis, it was awful!"  
  
Stunned, Davis tried to calm her down, "What happened?"  
  
"We were on our way over here - " …We?… " - and these gangsters came up and they - they threw me into the dumpster and then… beat Izzy up!"  
  
Everyone's jaw dropped yet again, even Spindly-man. "Oh my God," Mimi choked.  
  
Jun nodded, collapsing onto the couch next to Spindly-man, who gave a little sniff. "Are you alright?" Davis asked her, looking around to see all three of the other girls in the room crying.  
  
"Yes," she replied, "But the thing is… Izzy told them his… his girlfriend was pregnant and then they called him…. Gay!"  
  
Abruptly, Kari stopped crying, her eyes lighting up with fresh gossip, "Girlfriend? It's IZZY'S baby? I thought he WAS gay."  
  
At this, Jun's eyes averted to TK, to see if he took any offense. No obvious signs. She laughed, "Izzy's not GAY."  
  
"Um, yes he is," said Mimi.  
  
"No, he isn't!" Jun insisted.  
  
"YES HE IS!" said everyone except Jun, Spindly-man included.  
  
Kari's eyes twinkled on, "Not if he fathered Yolei's baby…"  
  
Mimi rolled her eyes, "I know Izzy. He's as gay as they come." But Jun kept her eyes glued to TK, expecting some sudden outburst about the cruelty of society.  
  
It never came, of course. But even if it had wanted to, the poor thing wouldn't have time. The smiley looking nurse walked in, smirk still spread across her Lifetime Channel-watching face; Spindly-man stood up, desperately hoping the nurse had brought him news of his wife. She had to have come to save him from these noisy teenagers and their damn angst. No such luck. Plus his leg gave out. Spindly-man gave out a cry of pain as he toppled to the waiting room floor.   
  
The nurse turned away from the figure curled into half a fetal position with one leg sticking straight out and to the group of friends, gathering her smile back, "Your friend had her baby!" They all cheered with joy. "She's ready to see you now, come on in."  
  
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Yolei sat in her hospital bed, grinning stupidly; purple hair still matted with sweat, "Hi guys! Wanna see my baby?" She held it up.  
  
Everyone in the room gasped as the newborn dangled, howling, from Yolei's shaky arm. The doctor scolded her as Yolei put the screaming baby down. He turned back to the group, a grim look on his face, "Her parents don't know about this, do they?"  
  
Sora blushed, "Well, we tried to tell her mother… she didn't believe us! Not even Yolei knew until, uh, now."  
  
"Anyways," the doctor said, shaking his head, "She can't seem to figure out who the father of the baby is."  
  
"I didn't know THAT could get you pregnant!" Yolei piped up from behind the doctor. TK found his jaw falling open, unable to believe someone that unintelligent could function properly for an entire eighteen years.  
  
The doctor shuddered in disgust, "Okay, Yolei. Think back nine months. Do you remember anyone that you… did… these things with?"  
  
"Oh gosh," she said casually, "Of course." Every male in the room, save the doctor, blushed, taking a collective step back and scratching their heads in practical unison.  
  
"How many individuals were there?"  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"…About?"  
  
"I DUNNO."  
  
At this, the baby began to cry. Leaning uncomfortably against Matt, Kari was the closest one to Yolei's bed, and as she shifted the baby's position, she got the first good look of anyone at the baby. "Why," she exclaimed, "That baby looks exactly like Ken!"  
  
The others crowded around, interestedly looking at the black-haired, purple-eyed baby. 'Blame it on the dead one' became the unspoken plan. Plus there was an uncanny resemblance there… Random variations of "Oh yeah!" and "It does!" filled the air.  
  
"Really?" Yolei said, looking at her daughter, "Maybe she is Ken's."  
  
The doctor raised an eyebrow, "Which one of you is Ken?"  
  
"Oh," TK said offhandedly, "He's dead."  
  
"Who is he?" the doctor persisted.  
  
Jun piped up for the first time since entering the room, and until now everyone had actually forgotten she was there. "Would that be Ken Ichijouji, the famous soccer player, computer geek, and TOTAL hottie?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," replied Cody crossly, "AND he committed suicide about six months ago."  
  
"Makes sense," the doctor shrugged, looking at Yolei. He was getting very sick of these people. He wrote down the name on his clipboard, not even bothering to ask how to spell 'Ichijouji'. There was a very large, very male, sigh of relief breathed as he did it. "Now Yolei," he said, looking up, "We're gonna need a name."  
  
Yolei giggled as she adjusted the baby's weight in her arms, "I've got one all picked out…"  
  
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How's that for a cliffhanger?  
  
I think there's two chapters left that I already have written. And then I have to write an epilogue. Which I'm putting off. Yep. Review and such…. No idea when the next one'll be up. Hopefully soon.  
  
PS - Even I can't spell... Ken's last name. I'd like to thank... um, some website for that one. 


	10. Puns REALLY Are Not Funny

This chapter is totally short. But it's not pointless, so read it anyways. It's basically just a plot mover and sets up for the last chapter, which will indeed be long.  
  
One of my personal favorite lines is in this chapter. Look for the part where Jun is "checkin' out the hospital hotties" Haha, sometimes I crack myself up and then feel pathetic.  
  
Anyways, the last chapter won't be up for a while. Tomorrow's my birthday and I have resulting parties and other stupid things like that. So, r & r, homiezzzzz.  
  
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When he came to, the first thing Izzy realized was that something was obstructing most of the vision in his right eye. Instinctively, he reached up to touch it, when out of his left arm, he saw that there was a tube feeding into it. "Aaaah!" he shouted, alarmed.  
  
Almost immediately, a pretty redheaded nurse rushed in, "Oh, you're awake," she said, trying to be cheerful.  
  
"Wh-wh-what happened?" he stammered.  
  
A nervous look crept over her face, "I think it's best you just get some rest now, son." Thankful, Izzy closed his eyes.  
  
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"IMA STUPID!?!?" everyone screamed in unison.  
  
There was a pause, as Yolei was laughing too hysterically to answer straight away, "Yeah!"  
  
As usual, Matt was the first to speak what the rest of them actually had on their minds, "Is that… a joke?"  
  
Yolei was still laughing, "No! It's a pun!" Dejectedly, the doctor scribbled the name down to go on the birth certificate.  
  
Little Ima still cradled in her arms, Yolei rolled her eyes, "You don't GET it. Her first name is Ima and her middle name is Stupid!"  
  
"Nooo," said TK, chuckling despite himself, "We get it just fine, it's just -"  
  
"SEE? TK GETS IT!!"  
  
"Yes, but -"  
  
"I'M A STUPID!!"  
  
"Yolei, that's -"  
  
"Get it?!"  
  
"YOU FRIGGEN RETARD! YOU DON'T CALL SOMEONE 'A STUPID'… YOU JUST CALL THEM 'STUPID'…. Stupid." Matt was also usually the first to get angry.  
  
A tear trickled down Yolei's cheek, "You don't need to yell…" Ima began crying.  
  
Kari squeezed Matt's hand, chastising him. "I just feel sorry for that poor baby," she whispered.   
  
"You don't need to be!" Sora chirped, listening in on their conversation, "We'll all raise her together - like a big family!"  
  
"Will you SHUT UP, Sora?" How DID Tai stand her? Matt glanced over at Mimi. Oh yeah, he didn't.   
  
Yolei rocked the now-sleeping baby tenderly in her arms, "I'm gonna raise her myself, thank you."  
  
"I'll help," Sora volunteered eagerly.  
  
"And me," said Mimi reassuringly.  
  
"I'll help you!" piped up Jun.  
  
Matt looked over at her in horror, his grip tightening bone crushingly on Kari's hand. "What the HELL are you doing here?"  
  
Jun though about this a minute, suddenly remembering Izzy, "Izzy! Oh my gosh!"  
  
Upon hearing this, the nurse washing off the doctor's equipment over at the sink walked timidly over to the group, "Did you say Izzy?"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
"You mean you kids know him too?" Everyone, save Ima, nodded. The nurse shook her head sadly, tears welling up in her blue eyes, "I can't believe what some people are capable of… capable of doing to other PEOPLE."  
  
"What happened?" asked Yolei.  
  
"You didn't hear?" They all shook their heads, "Well, we all figure he was beaten because of… because of… well…"  
  
Mimi stomped her foot defiantly, her hands balled into fists at her sides, "How can someone do that? I mean, gay people are just the same as straight ones! Actually, they can even be more fun, especially -"  
  
"Oh I KNOW," Jun cut in overenthusiastically, resting an arm buddy-buddy like on TK's shoulder. Quickly, he shrugged it off.  
  
"Well, would you like to see him?" The nurse asked, leading all except Yolei and Ima, of course, out of the room.  
  
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Izzy was such a mess when they first saw him that he was barely recognizable. Mimi, Sora, and Jun's eyes welled up with tears at the sight of their battered friend. Kari buried her face into Matt's side as TK looked on jealously. Hearing them all walk in, Izzy's eyelashes fluttered open. "Hey… guys…" he managed.  
  
"Hi Izzy," they chanted in unison.  
  
The awkward silence filler instinct Matt possessed kicked in, "Well, this has to suck."  
  
"Yeah," Izzy sighed nonchalantly.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Izzy!" Mimi cried, flinging herself at the foot of his bed. "If I hadn't had Tai over, we would have ridden up here together and this would NEVER have happened. It's all my fault!" Sora glared at Tai, not noticing the glare she was receiving from TK, who was also being glared at by Kari.  
  
For the first time in longer than anyone could remember, Tai spoke up, "So, they really did this just because you're gay?"  
  
"He's not gay!" Jun blurted.  
  
Izzy looked at her quizzically, "Yes I am."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Gay. I'm gay," he said firmly.  
  
For a split second, Jun's face melted. But remember, this was a SPLIT second. Approximately two seconds later, she had found a new - oh wait, that was Davis. But, er… who WAS that short kid with the black hair and dark eyes? Now he was cute.  
  
"Anyways," Izzy said, turning back to the rest of them, "All I've got's some bruises, a black eye, and a sprained wrist. Quite lucky, actually. I don't even need to stay for observation."  
  
"That's great, Izzy," Mimi said, wiping her eyes.  
  
"NOW can we get around to talking?" Cody said impatiently.  
  
To his surprise, even Matt nodded approvingly.  
  
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hahahHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHA. I'm... a STUPID! hahaa.   
  
Except for the small time rock star drug dealerness, Matt is sort of derived from what I would do in that situation. Except I don't think I'd hook up with Kari in a parked car. But anyways, just thought I'd add that in case anyone's interested.  
  
Subconcious: They're not.  
  
Shut up.  
  
SC: No.  
  
You're not real.  
  
SC: Burn it down, Donnie.  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! 


	11. Flash Forwards Are Not Funny

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Um, I mention the O.C. in here too. And I don't own that. Though I wish I did.  
  
This is the last "real" chapter. It's a little long and all in one part. It's also a little unrealistic that they had all gone this long without saying/doing anything about their problems, but it's my story and I don't make sense either. So it fits.  
  
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Maybe 5 months later…  
  
"It's about time…" Cody grumbled, sitting cross-legged on a stadium blanket.  
  
"Chill, Cody," Kari said, still entwined in a seemingly never-ending embrace with Matt, "We all just needed some time to calm down. You wouldn't know anyways… you never even DO anything…"   
  
Cody scowled and opened his mouth, ready to chew her out. But before he could, Mimi cut in, "But we're READY to argue now. And of course, you can mediate, Cody."   
  
He beamed. "Let's start with Tai and Sora, what happened there?"  
  
"We broke up, Cody. Over four months ago." Sora said irritably.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Tai groaned, "Do we really need to open these wounds again? I mean, we're already over it."  
  
"Yes, we do."  
  
He inhaled deeply, "Fine. Sora was annoying. So I slept with Mimi. Once. And then I felt terrible. And I stayed at Mimi's place for like, a week and she talked me through a whole lot of serious crap that was going on."  
  
"He didn't call me!" Sora chimed in.  
  
"Because I felt GUILTY!" Tai retorted.  
  
"You should!"  
  
Tai looked appalled, "You went and got a HOOKER! It couldn't have been that bad!" TK blushed.  
  
Cody leapt to his feet, excited, "A hooker? Tell us about that, Sora!"  
  
"God! Enough about this already," TK stood up also.  
  
"No, actually I'd like to hear about this," Matt said, smirking, "Tell me, little bro, why WERE you selling yourself." Kari leaned back against his chest, giggling.  
  
"Shut up, Matt!' TK fumed.   
  
Bouncing Kari on his knee, Matt didn't even blink, "I think we have a right to know. Is the money really that good? Or are you just that perverted?"  
  
"I swear, Matt," TK made a fist, "I'll… I'll…" All of a sudden, his face softened menacingly, "Hey, Kari," she looked up, "That day when you ran away from awful TK into the arms of his terrific brother, did you ever wonder - even for one second, what he was doing ALONE IN A DARK ALLEY?"  
  
She looked confusedly from one brother to the other, "What?"  
  
"TK, unless you want a serious ass kicking, I'd suggest you -"  
  
"And Kari," TK continued, on a roll, "Does Matt seem to wipe his nose a lot? Do you think that's sinuses or something? And what about all that eating? Does he ever just seem really, really hungry… ya know, like out of nowhere? And is he ever really, really bouncy? Don't you ever wonder what's going on with your dear sweet Matt, Kari?"  
  
Slowly, the pieces were beginning to fall into place. The others looked on, wide-eyed; transfixed as if it were an O.C. Season Finale. "Matt… you… you…"  
  
"God!" He cried, "What the HELL is wrong with you, TK? Can't you just let anyone be HAPPY?"  
  
TK's jaw fell open, "I had a crush on her for EIGHT YEARS. Do you have ANY idea how long that is? Practically half my LIFE. And we were going out for about seven DAYS when you went and…" he searched for a word, "you… HYPNOTIZED her or something!"  
  
Yolei giggled, whispering into Ima's ear, "This is like Jerry Springer!" Surprisingly, Ima didn't care.  
  
On the other hand, Cody looked very excited, "Kari, how do you feel about this?""Leave her alone," Tai grumbled protectively.  
  
"Shut up, Tai." Sora said, fixing the drama back onto herself, "You always DO that. You think that if you just shut your mouth and look all tough all the time, when you actually DO talk, it'll sound all meaningful. And it's always negative. What you say, I mean. You think it makes you sound so great or something. When you're not. You're just a phony and I HATE YOU, TAI! I HONESTLY HATE YOU!' She screamed this last bit, in all-out hysterics now.  
  
"You know what, Sora?" Mimi said softly, "Did you ever think in that Little-Miss-Perfect head of yours that maybe - just maybe - Tai actually DOES have feelings of his own?"  
  
Sora snorted, "He might… I wouldn't know. He never SAYS anything."  
  
"You have to listen!" Mimi cried, "Did you know that Tai spent five days over at my place -"  
  
"Oh yeah, Mimi, I know ALL about that."  
  
Mimi looked cross, "No, Sora, you don't. He spent that time telling me everything. And I mean everything. Did you ever think, for one second, about how much crap Tai has had to put up with? I didn't think so. When he was over, he told me about you - and what a huge control freak you were, expecting him to be the cookie cutter perfect boyfriend; told me about Kari - how she was growing up so fast and he was pretty sure she had started stealing shit. Oh Kari, don't give me that look… you may think you're pretty sneaky, but by now, we've all figured it out." Pretty much everyone nodded.  
  
"I…" Kari started.  
  
"No," Mimi snapped, "This is about Tai."  
  
Tai rolled his eyes, "I think we've heard enough."  
  
"Hey! I've got a baby!" Yolei cried, feeling forgotten.  
  
"It's creepy," Davis said, eager to change the subject, "That baby looks exactly like… well, you know." And it was true, at five months, Ima was making remarkably good development, taking after her super genius father both in physical and mental traits. She was already sitting on her own and also took after Ken with her clone-like black bob and intense purple eyes.   
  
Kari turned to Yolei, also glad the subject was changed, "Did Ken… I mean… did he know?"  
  
"Ummm… I don't think so!"  
  
"Well," Izzy added, "There was the note,"  
  
Davis rolled his eyes, "Don't be so mysterious about it; even I know the note. I can still remember when they read it on the six o' clock news," He said, launching into a dead-on impression of the giant-haired female news anchor, " 'World acclaimed soccer player, computer genius, and local boy, Ken Ichijouji, was found dead, presumably of his own doing Wednesday. Only a single word, typed, served as an explaination to those loved ones left behind. "No". What does all of this mean? Tune in at eleven to find out.' "  
  
" 'No"?" Sora repeated.  
  
"Yes." Izzy replied.  
  
TK scratched his head, "It seems kinda obvious. I mean, Ken's a smart kid. Well, that's obvious. But I mean, he probably knew about Yolei - about… Ima. She woulda been about three months along when… it happened."  
  
"Could you imagine?" Mimi mused.  
  
Kari buried her head dramatically under Matt's arm, "That's terrible," she said dejectedly.  
  
Cradling Ima in her arms, Yolei looked at TK dumbfounded, "You mean… I killed Ken?"  
  
Mimi looked at her sympathetically, "It takes two to tango, honey."  
  
"Blech," said Cody, trying not to imagine Yolei and Ken "tangoing".  
  
"But still," persisted Yolei, " 'No'? It's not that great of a goodbye?"  
  
Tai shrugged, "Probably just didn't wanna have a kid."  
  
"Yeah," they all sighed in unison, unsure of what else to say.  
  
Ever the awkward silence breaker, Davis stood up energetically, "So, anyone up for a game of -"  
  
"No," said Matt.  
  
"Then how about we -"  
  
"No," TK cut him off.  
  
Davis frowned, "Or I can -"  
  
"NO!" cried Kari.  
  
Still determined, Davis thought harder, "I know! We can…"  
  
"No!" giggled Ima.  
  
The sun was shining brightly, a few puffy white clouds drifted lazily around in the sky, the flowers were in full bloom. It was indeed a perfect day. Around the blanket, everyone's faces lit up with happy grins as they praised the baby on its first word. Looking around in horror, Yolei began to cry, somehow ending up as the only one to understand the irony the others had all failed to notice. The baby's first word had been the father's last.  
  
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Haha, poor Yolei.   
  
Well, that's it. Except for the epilogue, which I've sorta been thinking about but will probably change. It ends on such a DOWN note. I love it.   
  
Expect the epilogue soon. Unless I forget. 


	12. Epilogues Are Not Funny

Here it is, the epilogue.  
  
I'd like to thank everyone that bothers to read this, no joke. It's been pretty fun for me, figuring out how to mangle these poor characters even further.   
  
And especially I'd like to thank Kt. For listening to all of this, for beta-testing, for reviewing my chapters, even if they sucked, and ESPECIALLY FOR THE TAPE. Ooer.  
  
And Sen-Tay, who I'd like to think of as my own personal fan club. Hah, just kidding. You need to keep writing because of the fact that you're oodles more talented than I am and it would be stupid if you didn't.  
  
And you, because you're reading it. And chances are that if you can read this, you haven't fired a bullet into the monitor in disgust… yet.   
  
So I'd like to thank you for that.  
  
I stole a bunch of ideas from other people… um, One Hit Wonder is sorta a VH1 thing… I kind of allude to Greek Tony's here, and Britney Spears and Prince… ah yes. And the Olsen twins. Sorry if any of this offends anyone or anything. Blah. I wish this ended better. I should go throw myself under a rock.  
  
And I thought I did this ages ago... but apparently, I didn't. The Yolei part of this is fixed. Yay.  
  
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Mimi graduated college with a bachelor's in modern art, forged a perfect Vermeer, and sold it for 9.8 million dollars. She married a 93-pound blind Latvian sculptor and ended up being the muse for six of his critically detested pieces. They have one son, Pablo, whose whereabouts are unknown.  
  
Davis's IQ was tested at a number immensely over genius level and upon graduating high school 274th in a class of 350, was abruptly sent away to a psychiatric hospital for further testing. During the five years he spent there, his brilliance being confirmed, he penned a thousand page novel on the meaning of life. Before it could be published, it was confiscated by the Japanese government and Davis was brainwashed, tortured, used as a government assassin for six more years, and left in a desert to crawl back to civilization with two broken legs. Or so he claims.  
  
Shortly after the meeting at the park; nine days to be exact, Yolei ran into a wall and died.  
  
Matt and Kari had an on/off relationship spanning over six years. During this period, Kari cheated on Matt with TK seventeen times, Matt cheated on Kari with random groupies twenty-nine times. Upon catching the twenty-ninth and last girl and Matt together in the car, Kari dumped him on the spot. Devastated, Matt holed up in his apartment and wrote the catchy tune "Flawed Desires" and dedicated it to Kari. But before she could decide to take him back, a big shot American record producer heard the song, which immediately shot to #1 on the American Billboard Charts and sent Matt away on a 34-city World Tour.   
  
Upon Matt's homecoming back to Japan and Kari, he found she was happily married to the very record producer that discovered him. Devestated, Matt failed to write a follow-up hit and became known as a One-Hit Wonder, currently, he is a frugal old millionaire that living alone in a secluded mansion taking regular hyper-baric oxygen chamber treatments.  
  
The degree in Computer Science Izzy got was never really put to use. Soon after graduating college, he opened a pizza parlor on campus, the original name of which was forgotten, as the nickname his friends called it caught on and became more widely accepted than the original. The restaurant flourished; great pizza at cheap prices, but business went out of control when he installed a karaoke stage. 'Geek Izzy's' is now one of the most exclusive clubs in Japan, attracting such celebrities as Britney Spears and Prince regularly. And it still makes a hell of a pizza.  
  
Arriving at the scene of the horrifying accident seconds too late to prevent the grisly end of poor Yolei, Sora decided she should take Ima and raise her on her own. Actually, she had been planning to do this anyway, but Yolei and the wall had made it quite a bit easier. Reacting quickly to the tragedy, Sora picked baby Ima up, carried her away, and never looked back.  
  
They lived on the lam for a while, Sora calling Ima 'Lia' instead because she liked and, plus, it seemed less… stupid. Eventually, when Sora knew Lia would never be recognized, they settled down; Sora got a degree in education, married the head of a local construction company, and they had three children of their own. Upon Lia's high school graduation, Sora told her the truth of her parents and life story. Not surprisingly, Lia was very happy she didn't go through life with a purple-haired mother who called her 'Ima Stupid'. She went on to get a full scholarship to one of Japan's top universities, became a wealthy corporate lawyer, and started a family of her own. Needless to say, she never looked back either.  
  
Cody went on being level-headed and analytical, going on to get a degree in psychology. He did relationship counseling sessions, anger management classes, and private sessions relentlessly for three decades before retiring early and buying his own Grecian island. Because of his mostly antisocial tendencies, he failed to marry or produce children, although he suffered no real regrets because of a lack of any real childhood insecurities to make him feel that he was required to do any of this. And that's what happens when you diagnose yourself.  
  
Another tragedy occurred that day in the hospital. A 32-year-old woman died after forty-six hours of labor. Neither of the babies, twins, survived this somehow. Upon hearing the news, her husband, a spindly little man who looked as if he hadn't moved in quite some time, snapped and threw himself out the door, screaming.   
  
In unrelated news, a spindly little villain has been terrorizing Tokyo, holding up banks, killing innocent bystanders, jetting around in some sort of hovercraft, and donning a tight-fitting green and blue spandex suit. More at 11.  
  
Jun obviously figured out TK wasn't gay. They made their own happily ever after; white picket fence, underground swimming pool and all. Their lives went along pretty normally until one fateful day when their daughters, twins, were two; TK told Jun about his 'past line of work'. Shocked, she screamed her opinion that he was a flaming homosexual, took Heather-Kate, the younger of the two twins, and walked out. Divorce papers were sent to their address three weeks later.  
  
Thirteen years after this, when both girls were aged fifteen, TK, now a successful photographer, sent his daughter Ashleigh to camp in California. 5,500 miles away in England, Jun, a model, did the same with Heather-Kate. At the dining hall, their identical eyes met from across the room and… well, you know what happened then.  
  
Heather-Kate and Ashleigh are currently producing a string of straight-to-video 'Sleepover' movies.  
  
Last, but not least, Tai took up soccer again after his break-up with Sora. Within no time, he was as good as he had been pre-college. And with no social life or regard for his collegiate grades, he soon got good. REALLY good. At age twenty-five, he flew to America to try out for the Men's US National Soccer team, making the cut with no problem, he soon became their star forward. He became an American Citizen, married a Laker Girl, and led the team to winning the World Cup three times before having to retire due to a badly torn ACL. And he never grew his hair back, either.  
  
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Okay, I passed my driver's exam, The Day After Tomorrow opens tomorrow, and I finally understand how to do 3-step triangle congruence proofs. So I guess I'm happy.  
  
I may write again and I may not. Depends on if I feel "inspired", although I've got a song fic in partial development despite the fact that I may hate it and not publish it.  
  
Oh well, thanks again for reading. Review me please. 


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